The Secrecy Around Trying to Conceive

I’m having a definite love-hate relationship with conception secrecy, privacy and community.

I’ve noticed that for the most part women don’t announce or share when they’re trying to conceive. Over the years I’ve heard of elaborate lengths women have gone to hide the fact that they are “trying”. And sadly, for good reason.

I’m from a miniscule, microscopic Canadian village where everyone knows everyone, no one locks their doors and baby (wedding, house) showers are stupendously giving. For a woman trying to conceive, this can be a recipe for awkwardness (and rumours). I’ve been privy (and I will admit, have participated) in so many whispered gossiping that my husband and I made the decision to keep our baby making adventure a secret.

A year later with no success and I’m so glad we did.

There is without a doubt no way I want to be the topic of the condescending, patronizing gossip of “Did you hear? Poor things’ve been trying to get pregnant for a while now” “Are they still trying? Oh that is so sad, she must be so upset”, insert pitying glances/thoughts.

So Top Secret Status it is.

But as the months (and now year…) go on, pressure from the in-laws is increasing, and reasons why we’re “waiting” to have children get more dubious. I’m feeling angry and alone with no one to talk to, with no supporting community who “gets” this surprisingly difficult and, I’m embarrassed to say, all consuming part of my (our) life.

And so… la raison d’être for this blog, this “MamanBean” secret identity: a compromise with anonymity and the search for a feeling of support and community. Hears to hoping.